I'm back in college now, didn't have internet all summer (had to run to the library to leech internet to enter in trades - late nights some times). Here are some more funnies. The youtube one about hitler and the gold comex is the best still, uff da, that one made me lol for real.
A woman proudly told her friend, 'I'm responsible for making my husband a millionaire.' 'Well what was he before he married you?' the friend asked. 'A billionaire.'
A priest announced to his congregation: 'I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.'
If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers; 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'
The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
They never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.
Collected 'Funny' Trading Book Names
Trading in the Twilight Zone How I made $20 in the Stock Market Stock Market Blizzards Probably High Trading Technical Analysis of Stock Traps How to Make Money in Stockings A Random Hock Down Wall Street Trading is for Dummies Options, Pricing, and Futility To Kill a Martingale 'Getting Finished in Options' , the Last Edition Options as a Tragic Investment Trading for a Survival Come into my Trading Trunk Technical Analysis of the Fickle Markets How to make a fortune selling books about the Stock Markets Fraud Like a Hedge Fund Lucky Market Lizards Reminiscences of a Commission Generator Trading for a bankruptcy filling
A new manager spends a week at his new Broker office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, 'I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve.' Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says 'Blame your predecessor!' He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious market problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, 'Reorganize!' This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says 'Prepare three envelopes'.
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