Trading jokes

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news:
'Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.'
'You mean a brand-new Cadillac?' she asked eagerly.
'No,' said the husband, 'a 1979 Cadillac.'

THE CHANGING FACE OF CAPITALISM

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

* You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM (or Enro-capitalism):
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, accept an LAW tax promised credit payable in 4 year's time, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION:
* You have two cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute...
 

Do not want to offend someone! Just a joke 😄

From a trader: “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

mariav posted:
It was so cold today I saw a stockbroker with his hands in his own pockets.

Good one....LOL

Stockbroker: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.
Stockbroker: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Stockbroker: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second …

Q: What’s the easiest way to make a small fortune with binary options?
A: Start with a large fortune.

Today’s Stock Market Report
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market

Q: What’s the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying stocks?
A: In the first case, you help finance the local community swimming pool. In the second case you help finance your stockbroker’s home swimming pool.

Q: Why was astrology invented?
A: So that economics could be considered an accurate science.

In hell a man passed a room where an economist was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful woman. “What a crummy deal!” the man complained. “I have to burn for all eternity and that economist spends it with that gorgeous woman.”
An escorting demon jabs the man with his pitchfork and shouts, “Who are you to question that woman’s punishment?”

My stockbroker and I are working on a retirement plan. Unfortunately, it’s his!

You know you’ve gone to the wrong stockbroker when you ask him to buy 10,000 shares in IBM and he asks you how to spell it.

😉😭😎

Hello guys! I am sorry that I was out for a while but now I am back and I will make you laugh! 😂
I think good emotions can make you life longer and your trading more profitable that is why I have this feed.

So...Christmas is coming!!! Are you ready to party? 😎

Have you ever seen real bears? 😉😉😉😱

And what's about real bulls?

I would also like to enlarge my topic. Do you think it will be interesting for traders to discuss movies about trading, stock axing and also things close to this? I will appreciate any thoughts and suggestions!
Let's start with 'Wall Street. Money never sleeps' 😑 For me it is one of the favorites...
Do you want to know why?
Just ask 😉